A Letter to My Chronically Ill Body

by Joanna No Banana
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To My Chronically Ill Body,

I want to start by apologizing. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the ways that I’ve treated you. For all the times that I didn’t give you what you needed or even what you wanted. Sure, sometimes those two things seemed to go against one another, but it was all one and the same in the end. Sometimes you just needed a chocolate bar! I wish I would’ve understood you better back then. I wish I was calling you my friend. Treating you with kindness. Instead, I poked and pricked at every part of you for being too big or too small. Always too much or not enough. I always wanted to change you, but you were working perfectly fine that entire time. 

Now, it’s a different story. Nowadays, my dear chronically ill body you’re not doing the best, but I’ve learned to understand that you’re doing your best. That’s enough for now. It has to be. I’m trying to help you. I’m researching medical journals daily, reaching out to others, and trying my best too. I hope us trying our best will be enough so that we may both feel better soon, but even if it’s not, that’s okay too. You taught me that.

From now until forever, I promise to love you properly. I’ll gently pat our bruises and kiss our painful joints. I won’t blame you for days in which you keep us in bed. I refuse to get angry for all the times that you keep us from going outside. The flowers will still be in the garden tomorrow. We will try again.

I don’t know what life will throw our way, but we’re in this together.

Thank You For Trying Your Best,

Your One and Only

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